2021 and 2023.

I checked my Facebook memories today and saw the picture on the left pop up. It was a post from three years ago. The caption I had written said:

Power move: being authentically and unapologetically yourself in a world that has trained you to constantly compare yourself to others. 😍💪 In my experience, happiness multiplies tenfold when you give yourself permission to do it your way.

I love this idea. I still do. I reposted it and adjusted the text slightly to say:

Power move: being authentically and unapologetically yourself in a world that has trained you to constantly compare yourself to others. 😍 Live your life the way you want to!

It’s pretty amazing to reflect on where life has taken me over the last few years and how much I’ve grown, changed, transformed, and truly embraced living life on my own terms. Doing what makes me feel good rather than what I feel obligated to. Pursuing my passions with courage. Pouring my energy into the right relationships. Loving myself, trusting myself, prioritizing my creativity. Learning how to rest.

When I moved from California to Utah in October 2021, I created a huge shift.

I actively needed to rebalance my life and not to run so hard and fast all the time. I wasn’t sure how to change my pattern of burnout but somehow in my body I knew I needed to be in a new place in order to do it… and over the past few years, I truly have. I live a slow, mindful, simple, happy life— and my life is a gift.

I used to think I had to fight and struggle in order to have what I wanted. We see those messages everywhere:

No pain, no gain.

Work hard—dig deeper— don’t stop.

Create the perfect morning routine. Optimize your life. Go big or go home!

I participated in all of that for so long. I posted those messages. I lived that life.

Constantly rising, adopting the mindset of what more can I do? What’s the next thing?

A ceaseless pursuit of progress.

It’s grind culture. Hustle culture. Capitalism. Greed. A patriarchal view, rigid structures, rules. I let so much of that conditioning determine my life for so many years. Right before I left California, I created an intense year of physically pushing myself to my limits (I ran half marathons and marathons and an ultramarathon, I got to the gym every week). I was working 3+ jobs all the time, running around, spread thin. I was in relationships that drained me. I needed a break but I didn’t know how to give myself permission to have it. I was used to being praised for how hard I worked. That defined me.

When I really stop and think about it, that hustle mentality defined me starting when I was a kid. I was always the high achiever, the straight-A student, the good girl.

But those boxes I put myself in were soul-crushing. They repressed me. They stuffed my feminine energy, my true desire for softness, away.

Moving to Utah was the catalyst for me to change.

To slow down.

To believe in my worth. And to finally feel it in my body.

Now I sit with ideas like: life is easy. I don’t have to struggle so hard all the time. I’m safe to let my guard down and relax.

I can say no to things.

I can say no to people.

I am allowed to be soft, to be gentle, to be present.

I have enough.

I am enough.

I find this life to be beautiful. Freeing.

My inner happiness has been there all along, but something about it is less forced now. There’s more space for the complexity of all the emotions I feel. There’s more time for sacred rest. I’m in better alignment with my true values. I understand my needs on a deeper level. I don’t abandon myself all the time.

Instead of living for other people, I live for myself.

In the last few years, I have learned to embrace a lifestyle that works for me, prioritizing spaciousness in my schedule rather than pushing so hard all the time.

I might be the only one who really understands how profound this shift has been, and these words I’m sharing with you today are an imperfect representation of the changes I’ve made, but I hope they resonate. I hope they capture even just a glimpse of the beauty in the softness.

May this post be a reminder to the person that needs to hear it that it’s okay to give yourself a break.

What if there was nothing you needed to prove to anyone any more?

It’s never too late to start living life on your own terms, or to make a change.

To breathe a heavy sigh of relief.

If I can do it, so can you. So can anyone.

It took me a long time to realize that growth isn’t always pushing harder or setting more goals and smashing them.

Sometimes it’s a simple deep breath and a willingness to slow down and simply be. And to know, deep down, that is enough.