Friday, January 8, 2016

On Weariness

Photos by Brynna Bryant of Respiro Photography.

I haven't blogged in two weeks. 

I find it challenging to break the silence after a long gap, and I'm also not a big fan of reading posts where the blogger makes a bunch of apologies right off the bat, so I'm just going to jump right in.

Welcome, 2016!

Did you guys have a good holiday season? Are you gearing up for any exciting changes this year? I've missed writing to you and I'm grateful to be back to Alive in the Fire.

I'll admit that I'm relieved the holidays are over. 

I had high hopes that this first week of the new year would be more relaxing and fun... and here I am sitting on the couch fighting off a flu bug that has kicked my ass for the last 24 hours. Something about being in such a vulnerable state -- feeling worse than I have in years from being sick -- gave me the inspiration to write.

I'll be honest: I feel weary.

I keep thinking about how valuable my health is. How important it is to find balance. And how I have an ongoing struggle with feeling like I need to do more to be 'enough.'

I was in horrible pain last night, giving myself a Reiki treatment and texting with my healer about where to focus the energy. She said she could tell I was being energetically drained near my second and third chakras, and it was related to trying to do too much, having a lack of boundaries, and releasing expectations of what others expect from me.

I started sobbing.

I know this about myself -- that I struggle with perfectionism and a habit of taking on more than I can handle. And yet it seems like every year it pops up and bites me in the ass again.

I believe things happen for a reason and at the time that they're needed. Maybe I'm sitting here with my electrolyte water and chicken soup, being reminded of how important it is to take care of myself, because that's where I need my focus to be this year.

What if 2016 could be my year for truly embracing my own healing? For finding a sense of grace and ease and being OK with saying no, and not trying to handle it all?

I've already had a sense in the last few weeks that I need to scale back my yoga teaching schedule.

I need to create more down time for myself, when I'm not holding space or taking care of anyone.

I could use more massages, Reiki treatments, haircut appointments (which I find to be the most relaxing thing), and pedicures.

More time sitting in silence in the sunshine. Less time checking my phone and running around to different places all day. More time writing, meditating, and singing my mantras.

I'm not sure how to make this shift, but I do know I'll need support along the way. I want to practice what I teach, what I often say to students in class: be kind to yourself!

So thank you in advance for giving me that support. Simply by reading this, you're doing so.

And, in other news, I'll have some exciting updates about Sponsored Yogis 2016 coming soon to the blog. Stay tuned.

And thanks, as always, for being here. Namaste.

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